Making Snap Decisions
ByBelow is a rough transcript of the podcast episode available at the bottom of this post. You now have the option to read or listen!!
A few days ago I posted this amazing talk I found on Ted.com. It was best-selling author Elizabeth Gilbert who wrote Eat, Pray, Love talking about the pressures of being someone who is professionally creative and the expectations of others once we’ve had a success. It was the most fascinating exploration into the human mind of how we all fear that what we have done so far may be as good as it gets. We worry ourselves silly about being good enough for the challenges that lie ahead of us. Without mentioning it, she addresses the fraud factor that I think we all feel or have felt at one time in our life. She offers an amazing way of thinking that can literally smash those fears away. The video was 19 minutes long and I encourage you to watch it if you haven’t already. It is truly one of the most uplifting talks I have ever heard and it gave me strategies that could put into practice immediately.
But that’s not what this article is about.
Now I love blogging. I love the discussion factor and how it gets people talking and how people with varying opinions can weigh in on any given topic… that is to a point.
When I posted that incredibly uplifting and inspiring video I got one comment that I simply couldn’t approve because… well, quite frankly… it would’ve made the person look a little kooky.
This person went on a rant about how they had listened only to the first few minutes of the video and how they became bored and turned it off and then started railing against the fact that everybody feels fear and its natural and good for you. The person called Elizabeth perimenopausal and spoke as if the video had been a self-indulgent “poor me” episode. It was bizarre. I almost approved it because it was so ridiculous. But I didn’t.
Now here’s my point: within the first couple of sentences the person had said that they had only listened to the first few minutes of the video. OK, they missed the other 17 minutes of it. You think there might have been a little bit more information than just in the first two minutes? Do you think that the speaker might have given a solution or two? Do you think you might have given it a chance?
This is the danger we all face when we make snap judgments without all the information. This person had decided after two minutes that they knew exactly what this audio was about, exactly what the speaker was about and exactly what they would get out of it at the end.
Hmmm… make up stories in your head, much?
Here are three obvious things that can help us avoid making snap decisions.
1) Make sure you get all the facts. That means hearing the person out or finishing the entire book or… dare I say watching the entire video. Once you have the information, you can make a decision.
2) Remember that we are making up stories about what things mean. This is in good or bad this just is. Be aware that you’re doing that in separate your story about what things mean from the facts in this case the words.
3) Listen more than you speak. Be interested rather than interesting. Give people the benefit of the doubt. When you do that you are more open and less prone to judgementalism. You don’t want to be judged so be very, very cautious of judging others.
Blogging is fascinating to me and I love it. I think people are fascinating and I learn from even the wackiest situations. But a bit of advice when you comment… and I hope you do… make sure you’ve read the whole article or listen to the whole audio or … dare I say it… watch the whole video!!! ‘Cause next time… I’m gonna hit approve!
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Great post Roger!
I agree that one should take the time to gather complete information before forming an opinion. The behavior you described of the person making the comment describes the root of much prejudice.
Prejudice is often formed out of fear and based on partial truths.
I disagree with you that Elizabeth should have listened to the entire podcast. It appears she sampled it and determined the content was not for her. In today’s society we are bombarded with so much information that using filters is perfectly appropriate.
Here’s where you and I agree once again… I believe if her intent was to respond to the podcast, she then had an obligation to listen to the entire contents in order to comment in an accurate and relavent manner.
Hey Jeff — Thanks for the great comment. One thing I want to clarify is that I do not believe she should have watched the whole video just to watch it. If it wasn’t for her it wasn’t for her. Agreed we all need filters… I totally get it..
My point was –> Don’t make a sweeping generalizations that judge the whole thing when you haven’t seen it all. It just makes the person look stupid.
I think we are in total agreement, actually.
Hey Roger – I love this post. I couldn’t agree with you more about not giving something a chance. When I started reading Elizabeth’s book Eat Pray Love, I thought it might go a little kooky on me (considering our belief differences). But I had heard from so many people about how inspirational she was, especially from my cousin Beth who is the straightest-arrow person, so I read the whole book. I am so glad that I did. I gained lots of insights into life and am recommending her book and this video to everyone! I think if someone you respect recommends a book or something to you, you should give that person the benefit of the doubt and finish it!
Okay, long comment…
May I suggest taking this to the next level? Instead of merely cutting others some slack, why not make it a point to be a bright spot in their day?
Always assume that whomever you’re dealing with deserves your very best manners, a cheerful smile and acknowledgment for the work they do. Not because they’re doing anything special or because they’re in special circumstances, but because they are a fellow human and as such deserve our love and support, and because life is hard and we can all use all the help we can get.
On top of that, be careful to avoid the ubiquitous “fundamental attribution error” – the tendency to blame others’ lapses on character flaws, but excusing your own lapses as a result of circumstances. For example, if I have a moment of erratic driving, it’s a temporary deviation from my normal good driving skills caused by dropping something or being distracted. But if the guy in front of me drives erratically, it’s because he’s a clueless moron who should never have gotten a license.
Finally, remember that we’re all out there doing the best we can at any given time. And sometimes the very best we can manage is a surly, grudging interaction with those around us. If this is true for someone you’re interacting with, it’s not the time to get offended. It’s the time to try harder to be that bright spot. Because let’s face it, if this is the best they can manage, they really need our compassion and concern. If you don’t thinks so, ask yourself, “How bad would I have to perceive my life to be, for me to act like that?” You may not share their judgment of their life, but that’s not the point. It’s that bad for them. And it doesn’t do you any credit to add to their troubles. (Again, as you noted in the ‘cast, this isn’t about not asking for what you need. It’s about how you treat others.)
This approach isn’t just good for the other guy, though. Just like how acknowledging what’s good in your life makes you more aware of what’s there, going over the top to acknowledge, support and thank others has made me far more appreciative of the work everyone else does on my behalf to make daily stuff of life like grocery shopping the seamless, productive experience it usually is. In doing this, I’ve come to understand certain realities, like how even an entire store of surly staff beats foraging through pallets of intermixed groceries all piled up on a loading dock, hauling them around an uncleaned store in a cart I had to bring from home, and then doing all the adding-up and change-making myself.
Plus, it’s just plain fun to surprise people. You ought to hear the lift in a customer service phone-bank worker’s voice when you scrupulous call them sir and ma’am, keep a smile in your voice while you talk, thank them for their help and wish them a good day when you’re done.
If none of this is convincing, then there’s always blatant self interest – if you’re the one bright spot in someone’s day, day after day, then if nothing else you’ll start to get better customer service simply because we all tend to respond in kind to those who treat us well.
Finally, for the most hard-core cases of human ugliness, consider this…
I read somewhere about a great teacher who was asked what prayer of gratitude was possible for the very worst of mankind, those in whom you can find no redeeming value, no matter how hard you try. The teacher smiled with great humor and acknowledged how hard that can be, then offered this prayer that could be said for anyone, no matter how bad: “Divine One, I give thanks for this human being, for his exhalations feed the flowers.”