Archive for Self Improvement
The Power of Mindset
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Michael Neil (www.geniuscatalyst.com), one of my favorite coaches and authors, recently did an amazing radio show on the power of mindset. In it he shared the work of a psychologist who has been doing work in this area and the ramifications as to how we operate in this world were startling to me. Let me tell you what I learned.
Carol Dweck took a group of grammar school children who had all received the exact same score on a test and divided them into two groups. The first group was praised for their achievement with phrases like, “congratulations! You must be so proud! YOU ARE SO SMART!” The second group was equally praised but with one specific difference. They were told phrases like, “congratulations! You must be so proud! YOU MUST HAVE WORKED SO HARD!”
A very interesting result ensued. The children who were praised for being smart – something that is innate and unchangeable – were later afraid to take on new challenges, avoided things that would test their abilities and tended to lie about test scores they received in the future. In contrast, the children who were praised for working hard were eager to take on new challenges, welcomed things that would test their abilities and told the truth about the test scores they received in the future. (I hope these children were all given a little bit of therapy after this experiment… but I digress…)
So what does all this mean? Well, Dr. Dweck identified that there were two types of mindsets that people tended to operate from: a fixed mindset or a growth mindset. A fixed mindset comes from the position that your intelligence, talents and abilities are fixed and innate… In other words, you are dealt the cards you’re dealt so get over your big, bad self and deal with it. In contrast, with a growth mindset you see your intelligence, talents and abilities as fluid and a “work in progress” that can continually improve.
The ramifications of this simple realization are incredibly powerful. Whichever perspective we come from, chances are, that perspective operates under the radar and secretly influences everything you experience and think.
Do we operate from the knowledge that we can learn and grow or do we avoid new things because of how “we ARE?” This simple realization can directly affect our motivation levels, our anxiety levels in the midst of new situations, whether or not we are likely to avoid something and a host of other common problem scenarios.
Instead of beating ourselves up and ripping ourselves apart, agonizing over the things we can’t seem to get ourselves to do, perhaps a simple question of asking ourselves what mindset we are coming from… fixed or growth… could be all the motivation we need to turn something we dread into something that is filled with possibility, potential and most of all fun.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it is to examine one thing that you are avoiding completing (or starting) and analyze your mindset around it. If you’re not coming at it from a mindset of growth and possibility, how might you change the way you see the situation to move it there?
Have You Seen Ben Zander Talk?
Posted by: | CommentsIf you have never seen this man speak… he is quirky, amazing, insightful and totally brilliant. What he says here regarding Classical Music has leadership, life, communication, relationship and joy lessons. A total MUST WATCH yet again from TED.
Making Snap Decisions
Posted by: | CommentsBelow is a rough transcript of the podcast episode available at the bottom of this post. You now have the option to read or listen!!
A few days ago I posted this amazing talk I found on Ted.com. It was best-selling author Elizabeth Gilbert who wrote Eat, Pray, Love talking about the pressures of being someone who is professionally creative and the expectations of others once we’ve had a success. It was the most fascinating exploration into the human mind of how we all fear that what we have done so far may be as good as it gets. We worry ourselves silly about being good enough for the challenges that lie ahead of us. Without mentioning it, she addresses the fraud factor that I think we all feel or have felt at one time in our life. She offers an amazing way of thinking that can literally smash those fears away. The video was 19 minutes long and I encourage you to watch it if you haven’t already. It is truly one of the most uplifting talks I have ever heard and it gave me strategies that could put into practice immediately.
But that’s not what this article is about.
Now I love blogging. I love the discussion factor and how it gets people talking and how people with varying opinions can weigh in on any given topic… that is to a point.
When I posted that incredibly uplifting and inspiring video I got one comment that I simply couldn’t approve because… well, quite frankly… it would’ve made the person look a little kooky.
This person went on a rant about how they had listened only to the first few minutes of the video and how they became bored and turned it off and then started railing against the fact that everybody feels fear and its natural and good for you. The person called Elizabeth perimenopausal and spoke as if the video had been a self-indulgent “poor me” episode. It was bizarre. I almost approved it because it was so ridiculous. But I didn’t.
Now here’s my point: within the first couple of sentences the person had said that they had only listened to the first few minutes of the video. OK, they missed the other 17 minutes of it. You think there might have been a little bit more information than just in the first two minutes? Do you think that the speaker might have given a solution or two? Do you think you might have given it a chance?
This is the danger we all face when we make snap judgments without all the information. This person had decided after two minutes that they knew exactly what this audio was about, exactly what the speaker was about and exactly what they would get out of it at the end.
Hmmm… make up stories in your head, much?
Here are three obvious things that can help us avoid making snap decisions.
1) Make sure you get all the facts. That means hearing the person out or finishing the entire book or… dare I say watching the entire video. Once you have the information, you can make a decision.
2) Remember that we are making up stories about what things mean. This is in good or bad this just is. Be aware that you’re doing that in separate your story about what things mean from the facts in this case the words.
3) Listen more than you speak. Be interested rather than interesting. Give people the benefit of the doubt. When you do that you are more open and less prone to judgementalism. You don’t want to be judged so be very, very cautious of judging others.
Blogging is fascinating to me and I love it. I think people are fascinating and I learn from even the wackiest situations. But a bit of advice when you comment… and I hope you do… make sure you’ve read the whole article or listen to the whole audio or … dare I say it… watch the whole video!!! ‘Cause next time… I’m gonna hit approve!
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Lesson From A Supermarket Checker
Posted by: | CommentsThis post is a re-post of an earlier podcast that had to be removed due to a posting problem. I loved the sentiment in this post so I wanted to make sure it was there again. Enjoy!
In this podcast I tell about a lesson in humility and preconceived notions I learned in a series of interactions I had with a supermarket checker at my local market. It reminds me that we never know what is going on in someone’s life… so let’s remember to cut eachother some slack!
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Creativity, Genius and Being Good Enough
Posted by: | CommentsEveryone is Creative in one way or another.
Those of us who are or have been creative for a living have, at one time or another, felt the weight of fear and self doubt of the ubiquitous question: “AM I GOOD ENOUGH?” Even when we have done it before too tremendous accolades and applause, we worry that perhaps that is as good as it will ever get… maybe our genius was just a fluke and we will be found out as the frauds and fakes that we fear we might be.
I certainly have been there and so has just about every creative person I have ever met. In fact, I would venture to say that every person — professionally creative or not — has had this same fear or worry that has eroded their joy in the present moment.
The video below is a talk by Elizabeth Gilbert, a best-selling author, in which she speaks to the core of everything that we are as creative individuals. In this uplifting and invigorating talk, she gives us a perspective with language and tools to help us separate “who we are” from “what we do.”
It is one of the fastest and most uplifting 19 minutes I have ever experienced.
Enjoy and please comment!!
I Found A Great Post On Procrastination
Posted by: | CommentsBea Fields is an amazing leadership coach…
…and a mentor of mine. I am a huge fan of her blogs and recently she posted 16… count ‘em… 16 strategies on avoiding procrastination. Her complete post can be found here from her blog for her fantastic book called EDGE!
6) Look closely at why you are procrastinating. Is it fear, doubt, overwhelm, lack of knowledge, or because you just don’t enjoy that activity? Once you have identified the cause of your procrastination, talk to a coach about what’s really going on, and design a solution to address the block.
7) For big tasks, break this down into smaller steps, and write out a calendar to get the smaller steps accomplished. With this approach, you will get much more done than if you decide to take on the entire project at once. If you are going to take on the entire project in one block, schedule the time on your calendar to work only on that project. If you are working on it while you are doing other things, you will add about 50% more time overall to the project.
8)Drop the perfectionism. You don’t have to have every task you take on be perfect. Get the job done, and then delegate out the “perfecting” stage to someone who can shine up the project.
9) Work on projects even when you feel like you are in a bad mood. The completion of a project can actually release endorphins that can lift your mood.
What I really love about these tips in particular is that they get at the “what’s underneath” of the avoidance. I have several comments about this that I will make in a future series of posts on this very important topic. In the meantime… Enjoy Bea’s blog.
Have a great day!
How To Feel Happy
Posted by: | CommentsI was grabbing a cappuccino at the 11th Street Café this morning and I heard another conversation while I was waiting for my half-caf grande skim something or other. Apparently this gentleman had just done something absentmindedly that made another lady laugh. He looked at her, and laughing at himself he said, “I was just thinking something that made me so happy…”. As I was leaving I turned back and looked at the gentleman and he was beaming from ear to ear, there was a lightness to his face and he was clearly blissed out.
This experience made me think and reinforced my belief at how easy it is to be happy anytime we want to be. The man was thinking a thought. That’s all, just a thought. In terms of his situation in the moment, he was simply buying a cup of coffee. His thoughts, however, had transported him beyond the cup of Joe that he had in front of him into a land of endorphins, good feelings and a comfort in his own skin.
Now many of you may be saying, “well, of course… something good probably happened to him and he was thinking about it, that’s all.” And, I’m sure you’re right, something probably had happened and he was thinking about it. But there’s something more here, something we lose sight of when we’re in the middle of negative emotions.
Emotions are always triggered by a thought. We think a thought and the emotions follow as a direct result of whatever we are thinking. The man was simply buying a cup of coffee but the thoughts he was thinking trigger to rush of good feelings.
Here’s the key. The brain cannot distinguish between what it remembers what it experiences. When we think of thought, the brain translates those thoughts and memories as if they were happening right there in front of us. The more vivid the memory, the more powerful the emotion and feeling. So the man with the coffee, as far as his brain was concerned, was having that great experience again… like, for real.
How often do we play some mental fantasy or relive some bad experience and send our self into the pit of despair, sadness, anger or whatever negative emotion fills our head. Because the emotions are so powerful, it feels like the emotions have a mind of their own and are in control of US… but they aren’t. They are triggered because we attach to thoughts that trigger them. We “relive” them and then the emotions follow.
So what’s the formula for happiness? It really is as simple as this:
- Ask yourself, “what feeling do I want to feel right now?”
- Replay a memory or think a thought that will transport you into that feeling state that you want.
- Really enter into the “movie” you play in your head. Make the colors brighter. Make the sounds warmer. See it through your own eyes as if you are in the situation.
- Stay there for a while and watch your emotions change.
Is it really that simple? Yes. Will you feel happy all the time? No. Can you choose to feel happy anytime you want to? Absolutely. To quote Dr. Richard Bandler, “thought isn’t a passive activity unless you think passively.”
Try it and see. I would love to know your comments and thoughts. Have a great day.
We Don’t See Reality as it is… We See it Through Filters
Posted by: | CommentsIn my work as a Life Coach, I always end up talking to my clients about their perspective, beliefs and fears and how they influence their perception of reality. There was an amazing example of this on the Today Show yesterday in a Matt Lauer interview with Sarah Palin. Listen to this 3 minute podcast and take an important lesson on how we can change our reality and our results.
Please leave a comment if this speaks to you.
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